Plan B is the new Plan A
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize