i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Everclear isn't food dammit
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
