I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
