I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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