Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
