She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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