awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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