I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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