New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
