You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
