I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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