Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
