She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
