you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
