I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
