There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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