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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
