That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
