Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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