im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
