one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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