just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
