Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
