A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
