Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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