I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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