im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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