...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
