successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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