no, he came in my armpit
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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