If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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