My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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