4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Houston, we have a blender
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
