cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
