have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
