Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
