Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
