Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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