This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize