I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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