Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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