I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the day after is always just damage control
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
