I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
