Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
