Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
