he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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