Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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