using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
