2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she pinky promised me she was 18
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
