you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
