Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
