Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
