When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
