giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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