Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
ttyl tear gas
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
