What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
