i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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