yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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