I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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