we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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