look no pants
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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