he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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