please come you make the beer taste better
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
