Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
