Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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