She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
