hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Randomize
