Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Your penis caused this!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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