Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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