I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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