addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
