He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
