Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
