R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
