The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
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