no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
