i would punch a child for taco bell
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
